Not Alone
by a cold day in december
Summary: "The arms of relief, seems so out of reach, but I, I am here." / Auslly. Angst. Complete.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, as usual.

**Summary: **"The arms of relief, seems so out of reach, but I, I am here." / Auslly. Angst. Complete.

**A/N: **Because of the quote from Soups & Stars; because all I've been able to do lately is feel like this; because this song is one of my favourites ever; just because. Thank you to **Tessa** for convincing me to post this. :) (Please, God, recognise your own name this time :'D)

* * *

**Not Alone**

* * *

slowly

fading away

you're lost

and so

afraid

where is the

hope

in a

world so

cold?

― _Not Alone_, **RED.**

* * *

:::

_"Your life is like a gold star!" she screamed at him, her eyes sad and deep frown lines set into her face._

_"...I__― I don't understand..." Austin said, "how did... I didn't mean_―"

"_Look, I just_―_" in that moment, Austin didn't think he'd ever seen his best friend look so heartbroken. "I don't want to talk about this any more."_

_"Ally, no_―"

"_No, Austin," she said, the corners of her mouth turned down and chin wobbling uncontrollably. "I can't."_

* * *

Ally woke up feeling like her eyes had sunk into her face. She already knew they would be red and puffy, and her body ached all over; she felt a deep tiredness set in her bones.

Glancing at the clock placed by her bedside, she saw it was nine o'clock.

Ally whimpered uselessly.

She had gotten to sleep late last night, crying until her pillow was drenched and only leaving the conscious world due to exhaustion. She dragged herself out of her bed and made it as best she could in her tired state. Ally honestly just wished she could lie back down and sleep forever, but her dad had insisted yesterday that she take care of the store today whilst he did something or other.

She was frankly too tired to be angry.

The bathroom mirror showed her reflection and the first thought that entered her mind was that she looked sad. Very sad. Tucking a strand of hair haphazardly behind her ear, she peered at herself and wondered how much make up she'd have to put on to look at all decent.

Ally let out a loud sigh as her phone vibrated from where she had placed it on the edge of the sink in her en suite.

Austin.

_Can we work on the song later? :)_

She let out a strangled cry and sank down to the floor. Her rested backwards against the towels hanging from the rack above her.

All week, she'd been so stressed. School assignments had been piling up on top of each other; she'd had to work at Sonic Boom non-stop; Trish coerced her into taking the majority of her shifts at her latest job; she'd had the pressure of writing a new song hanging over her all week, and no one had stopped to ask her how she was, if she was doing okay.

She just felt _lonely_.

Ally knew you could be alone without feeling lonely, but she had never expected to feel lonely, even though seemingly, she was not alone.

Reluctantly, she picked up her phone from where it lay next to her and texted back.

_Yeah sure :)_

Ally couldn't bear to let anyone down, especially Austin. So she got up off the floor, looked into the mirror once again with a resigned sigh and began to prepare for the day.

* * *

Ally rested her head on the cool counter of Sonic Boom. She had been run off of her feet with customers. It was that time of the year when parents decided they wanted their children to be musical prodigies and bought them all of the instruments under the sun.

"Hey, Ally!" Trish said happily, smile in place and apron in one hand.

"Hi," Ally said. Trish frowned momentarily at the monotonous lilt to Ally's voice but brushed it off.

"I was wondering if maybe you could my shift for me today? It would really help me out."

Trish's face looked pitiful, but Ally had had enough.

"I don't―"

"―Mind?" Trish cut in. "Great! I'll call my boss and tell her you're filling in again."

"That's―"

"―It's not a problem Ally, don't worry, she won't mind!" Trish grinned.

"_No,_ Trish, I can't―"

"―Wait to help me out? You're the best."

Ally stood on the spot and felt the anger boiling within her. Actually felt it. She could feel it grinding in the pit of her stomach and flowing under her veins and turning her vision.

"_No._" The finality in her voice made Trish's eyes widen. "No. I will _not_ take your shift and I will _not_ be pushed around and you _cannot _and _will not_ make me do. that. again."

Trish's brows furrowed and Ally was about to apologise. For her anger. For snapping. Something she shouldn't have to apologise for, but felt the need to. However, she didn't have to when Trish said:

"Gosh, Ally, I ask you to do one thing for me and you can't. What kind of a friend are you?"

Ally's eyes felt blurry with tears but she blinked them back. "Get out," she snarled.

"What―"

"_Get. Out." _

Trish looked affronted and slightly scared all at once and Ally couldn't help but feel the anger still bubbling within her. "_NOW!"_ she roared and Trish back away with a look of disdain before leaving completely.

Ally started to cry quietly and sank down on to her knees for the second time today, using the counter as her shield and hoping that Something, _any_ Higher Power would be on her side and keep people away from her until she could face them.

* * *

_Text; 12:28 PM  
From Trish  
To Austin_

Ally's in a bad mood. Don't know what's gotten into her. Go see her?

_Text; 12:32 PM  
From Austin  
To Trish_

Yeah I'm meeting her later so I'll talk to her

_Text; 12:33 PM  
From Trish  
To Austin_

Good, she's being really snappy, ugh

* * *

"Hey Ally!" Dez said. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay, Dez, shoot," Ally replied with a timid smile. She had managed to get her emotions under control, but quite frankly did not regret what she had said to Trish.

"If I asked you and Austin to be in a movie, what would you say?"

"Uh, sure, I guess?"

"A romantic movie, where you were each other's love interests?"

"Um, I suppose..."

"What if I told you it wasn't real, the aim of it would be to get you two together in real life?"

Ally stared, her eyes widening a fraction and looking at Dez disbelievingly. "Well, then," she gulped, "I'd say that would be ruining the surprise now, wouldn't it?"

She turned away from Dez to fiddle with her song book, but he still stood next to her, looking at her openly. "So, you've thought about it before?"

"It's hard not to," she replied after a while. "All everyone ever does is bring it up. His family. My family. You..." she paused, "...Trish. Everyone."

"Hm, never thought of it like that. So why don't you initiate something?"

Ally looked at Dez like he had grown another head, which, when she thought about it, might not have been an unreasonable Dez thing to do. However, his flippant manner about the whole subject still shocked Ally.

"Why do you think?" she asked. "Fear of rejection, possibility of wrecking everything we have―"

"But if he likes you back then there's none of that."

"And you know that for a fact, do you?" Dez looked annoyed at the flaw she had picked in his argument and reluctantly shook his head. "Exactly."

"Maybe if you just tried, though."

"It's too risky when I'm not sure. Dez, what if we broke up?" she asked worriedly.

"Ally, you can't ask questions like that," he said, looking at her incredulously. "I _hate_ when people say that. _I hate it_. If you really wanted to start a relationship with him, you wouldn't be thinking about breaking up. You can't worry about breaking up before anything has even gotten started, that's irrational. What if you never broke up?"

"Dez, I―"

"No, it could happen," he insisted. "Why worry about the negatives when you don't have to?"

They stood staring at each other for the longest time, Ally looking up at him and opening and closing her mouth several times, looking reminiscent of a fish. Dez started to do the same and Ally looked at him as if to say _really?_

Normally she would've smiled, but didn't feel like it today. Ally always marvelled at how Dez could go from being totally serious one second to totally goofy the next.

"Dez, I can't talk about this right now, I'm sorry," she knew she must have looked sad. "I'm not having a good day." She resisted the urge to tack _week, life, existence_ to the end of her sentence.

"S'okay, Ally," Dez said with a small smile. "Talk to me if you need anything, in the meantime, I'm going to go and feed my gingerbread people to my dog whilst he updates his Tweeter feed. Later."

Dez promptly flipped his hair and strutted out, making Ally shake her head and feel slightly better, but not by much.

* * *

"Hey, Ally," Austin said as he sauntered into the store, hands in his pockets. "Why's there a closed sign on the door?"

Ally frowned noticeably before she answered. "Having a bad day."

"Aw, is someone down in the dumps?" Austin said, his voice teasing. Ally scowled, but Austin didn't take it as a sign of anger, something he would regret. "Trish said you were in a bad mood."

The brunette's eyes became slits at the mention of the other girl. "She would."

"Woah, have I missed something? Trish was right, you _are _being snappy."

"Oh, Trish is so right," Ally said, feeling the tears welling up again but desperately trying to blink them back. "Just go and talk to Trish because she knows everything."

"Jeez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Ally turned her back to him and his features softened a little. "What's wrong?"

He put a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. It was Austin's turn to frown now.

"I'm just stressed, okay?" Ally put her head in her hands. "So, so stressed. _And alone._"

She muttered that last part, and Austin didn't hear her.

"Well, what's going on in your life that isn't in mine? I mean, if you're stressed I should be too. And since I'm not, I don't see why you are, I mean, what's there actually to be stressed about?"

Ally whipped her head round, her eyes blazing. He was demeaning her problems, and unintentional or not, it made her furious. "Well I'm so sorry my life isn't as perfectly easy as yours!"

"What?"

"Your life is like a gold star!" she screamed at him, her eyes sad and deep frown lines set into her face.

"...I― I don't understand..." Austin said, "how did... I didn't mean―"

"Look, I just―" in that moment, Austin didn't think he'd ever seen his best friend look so heartbroken. "I don't want to talk about this any more."

"Ally, no―"

"No, Austin," she said, the corners of her mouth turned down and chin wobbling uncontrollably. "I can't."

He didn't know how this had happened in such a short space of time.

"You don't understand," she said.

"Then help me to! I don't know what I did wrong!"

"You belittled my problems," she said, her tone melancholy. "All week, all I've felt is alone, worthless, like I'm drowning and watching everyone else breathe easily around me, and that's hard."

"I didn't know," even he can feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

"No, no one did."

Her eyes just looked a little dead.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude or cocky or arrogant, I just, I'm not as smart as you." Austin had had an idea on how to make her feel better, less alone, and he hoped it worked.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

She crossed her arms, and watched as Austin subconsciously did so as well. She knew it was a psychological test; mimicking shows sign of affection and the fact that he might like her, but she tried not to get excited and focused on him.

"Smart people feel sadder, I read about it. You obviously understand things better, and are more vulnerable to emotions so get sad, or angry and frustrated, or feel alone more than I do."

Ally raised an eyebrow. "You just uttered a very intelligent sentence for someone who supposedly isn't smart."

"Never said I wasn't smart, just not as clever as you." He wore a soft smile and Ally felt the weight on her shoulders decrease just a tad.

"Thanks," she replied finally.

"I'm always here, Ally. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I am."

"That makes me feel better, I guess."

"C'mere," he said, opening his arms and Ally sank into them with a relieved sigh. She wrapped her arms around his waist tiredly and he rested his on her shoulders, pressing a soft kiss into her hair, then her temple and then the centre of her forehead.

"I should probably apologise to Trish," Ally mumbled into his chest.

"No, it's okay," Ally stared up at him. "I'll tell her, I'll explain."

"Thank you," she mumbled into him.

She leaned up to kiss his cheek, but he tactfully turned his head so she caught most of his mouth with hers. When she pulled back, she wasn't smiling like Austin had expected her too and she could see the panic in his eyes.

"Austin, I just can't talk about this today, okay? I've already had a conversation with Dez about this, and I promise we can talk about it tomorrow, but right now I'm still tired and stressed."

"Okay, you go home and get some sleep, it's only like six, but do it anyway. We can work on the song tomorrow. Sundays are good for song days."

Her smile was small, but it was still there and Austin felt better.

"You're the best." Then, she leaned up to him and gently pressed her mouth against his. When they pulled back, he was grinning.

"Something to keep you going until tomorrow."

* * *

When Ally got home, she again found herself in the bathroom, sitting underneath the towel rack.

It had been a long day, and the aching in her bones hadn't subsided.

She managed to smile as her head rested on her arms which leant on her knees. She was curled up, and felt better as the under-floor heating kept her warm.

She could still feel the stings of anger, traces of sadness swelling within her, but at least she had something to look forward to. Something to wake up for, to strive for, now.

* * *

**A/N: **I don't really think the characters on the show are like this, so I could say this is OCC. Yet, I feel as if this is the way they might be if this wasn't on a Disney Channel show. I don't know. I don't even know what this, I ended it like that because she was never going to instantly feel better. I feel like this whole fic was a bit wishy-washy, but I'm glad I got it out there, I suppose.

Review, if you like. It would mean a lot, but then again just people reading these means a lot, so.

Love, Sophie. :)


End file.
